New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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