You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
