You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
