I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
