So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
