He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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