I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
