fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
