just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
