She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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