'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
