that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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