Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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