I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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