As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
