My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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