Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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