im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
