...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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