ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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