I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
