she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need a burrito and a hug.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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