i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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