I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
