hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
