Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
