theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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