Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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