Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
