Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
