He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
