Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I touched a dick in church today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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