Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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