Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
