My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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