We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
