Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
