What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
