is wine microwaveable?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
