I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
