It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
