I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
