Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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