if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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