He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
