Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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