Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
