How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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