Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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