all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
