so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
