oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
